Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
