pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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