If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
