Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
