ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
