What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
