honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
