So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
