he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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