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I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
