During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
