How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
