the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
