I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
