Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
