He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
