I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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