I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
