Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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