i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
