Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
