Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
