Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
