I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
