did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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