so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
