Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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