If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
