I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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