If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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