we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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