I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So much Jack, so little girl.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
