I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
