he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
