how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
