I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
