used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
