I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
