one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
