Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
