can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
