i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
