I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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