We're facebook friends in real life
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
