I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
