so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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