We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
