We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
