Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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