I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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