...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
