I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
