my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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