question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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