Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
